wild horses

today i watched the Misfits and it made me so sad.  i'm so lonely today.  i think i've been all shut up in my house too much, not talking to anyone.  the misfits makes me sad because i think Gay (Gable) is right, that there's no way to not be a killer in this world.  and i think Marilyn's right, that that's horrible.  and what are you supposed to do with that.  every time i watch the movie i get a different angle on it.  Marilyn hated it because Miller left out all the things about her he didn't like, like that she could be a monstrous bitch.  and she wanted to be seen for what she actually was.  and loved for what she actually was.  this time, watching the movie, i was so, so mad at Gay, for convincing her that she could trust him.  it gave me that awful sick feeling.  she looked sort of tired and fragile and at her limit, this time.  and it was like watching a horror movie where you know what's behind the door and you're like, don't open it, don't open it, but you know she's going to.  one thing i'd never really noticed before--I think it's because i usually don't quite watch the end scenes, they're so rough--the one thing i noticed this time was that Clift letting the horses go was like, this senseless act, but it righted the world.  it made it bearable.  that someone would do something so useless out of love.  i love love love marilyn monroe.